“For a few moments, under the spell of laughter... the mind flings open its doors and windows… its foul and secret places are ventilated and sweetened.”
-- Martin Armstrong
For 16 years the Secret Society of Happy People has been celebrating August as Happiness Happens Month. They must be on to something good, right? So, there's no better time to chat about the effect that humor may have on depression than right now.
You deserve happiness. You deserve the spell of laughter, the open doors, and sweet relief, regardless of what's going on in your life. However, if you're already feeling the sting of depression, you may not think you have the motivation or the will to "get happy".
But happiness through humor doesn't have to be a huge undertaking leaving you feeling more depleted. This is where I can help you as your coach. I will listen to you without judgment and help you find the humor, and the happy, in the smallest things in your life. If you don't make yourself happy, who will? I can help.
Situational Depression Is Normal
It happens to so many people, and there's no way of knowing just how many around us are feeling the darkness of depression. One reason is because we're taught early on how to mask our feelings so as to not frighten or burden others. We might feel like a failure for even having depressive thoughts. Some of us may dismiss our feelings or completely not recognize them at all. And we don't always know how to articulate our feelings or ask for help either.
So reactive depression can happen to anyone, at any time, including the happiest of people. No matter what our socioeconomic status, whether we "have it all", or are from a good family: it's all fair game.
The key is to understand that depression can happen to anyone, including you, and that you're not abnormal or doomed; it's a part of human life, a brain-chemistry imbalance, sometimes brought on temporarily by situations or changes in your life. How you handle it and whether you reach for help is where the breakdown happens.
If you're understanding and open to the rollercoaster ride that is situational depression, you're better able to identify the feelings and immediately begin finding ways to overcome it before it impacts you, your work, or your relationships too much. This is where humor also comes into play to reset and rebalance that brain chemistry through both nature and nurture.
You're Not Alone in Laughter
Humor is nothing new, even in dire, devastating situations. In an article titled Humor as a Weapon, the author wrote, "The fact that humor persisted in and out of concentration camps during the Nazi era despite potentially harsh repercussions demonstrates the vital role it plays in human resilience and survival. The inherently soothing and reassuring qualities that gallows humor confers seem to create a buffer of sorts between the sufferer and the source of the suffering."
This really helps keeps things in perspective, doesn't it? It might make you feel less burdened by this whole 'finding humor' thing, knowing that the world has found survival through humor since probably the very beginning. I'd imagine the cavemen may have laughed a time or two about some of their daily lives. If nothing else, I find some of their drawings and maybe their hairstyles to be something to smile about. It's the little things...
What Kind of Humor Is Needed?
You've heard the term "don't sweat the small stuff" but now you should take it one step further. Evaluate all the small things in your life, even the small stuff you normally "sweat" about and turn them into something to smile about.
It really can be as easy as just going with the flow and looking for the little things in life. A cool breeze after a hot day that also brings out the smell of a nearby skunk, or maybe a stranger's child laughing hysterically down the block. A naughty elderly neighbor that yells at the garbage man, or smelling a delicious newborn baby's head all the while thinking this baby looks like a little, old German watchmaker. Or maybe even a potato.
Even a broken bowl in the kitchen can be turned into a life lesson and a laugh. You can smile to yourself when you think there are so many broken pieces under your refrigerator now that you could start a recycling plant.
Surrounding yourself with others who seem truly happy can help too. Even if you have to drag yourself out to coffee with them, kicking and screaming, it could be life transforming to soak up their energy for an hour or two. The key is to develop awareness and try to be consciously positive and motivated feeling better with them. Do not allow yourself to dwell on feelings like, "Why can't I be more like them?" but instead, "How can I be more like them?".
Still, you must be honest and true to yourself always. As I mentioned in an article about couples moving in together not being easy, you don't have to be silly if you don't have it in you. You don't have to play hand puppets with his dirty socks -- unless that's your thing, of course.
Finding humor is as varied as anything else out there and there's a humor spectrum, you'll need to find your comfort zone within. Your humor may not be the same as being "silly" or "goofy" or however you wish to define it. It may not make you guffaw with laughter, but rather just make you smile inside. Work on finding the style of humor you identify with most and just roll with it.
If you're still feeling resistant to this 'humor for depression' idea, I understand. Most of us have seen the paintings of the sad clown or heard about suicidal comedians like the late, amazing Robin Williams. Why doesn't humor work for them? If they can't overcome with humor, then how can we possibly do it?
According to one study, there's a correlation between the type of humor you use and the outcome it has over depression -- finding the right kind of humor is important and not just any will do. Tearing yourself or others down sarcastically isn't going to help either, even if immediate laughter is had by all.
In the Huffington Post, a study was noted about just this subject. The article states, "An ‘affiliative’ humor style refers to a tendency to facilitate relationships, reducing interpersonal stress with playful teasing. ‘Selfenhancing’ humor involves having a humorous outlook on life, especially during stressful times."
It also mentions, "The study found that it was the ‘affiliative’ humor style which was particularly protective against feeling suicidal. Of all four humor styles, only ‘affiliative’ protected significantly against suicidal feelings. Affiliative humor might even defend against depression." While this seems like a large, sweeping generalization of a humor style, it can still be achieved in the little things.
Consciously Be Aware of Your Face
That's right, your face. There is something to the science behind mind over matter, whether you're able to agree with that now or not, it's worth a try. Fake it until you make it has some merit. If you consciously unfurrow your brow and bring your lips up from a frown to a semi-smile throughout the day, you can reset your thinking patterns (and probably slow down some advancing age lines too). Not a smile that makes your mouth ache to hold it for a length of time, but just a more relaxed, peaceful look is your goal. Easy does it.
The same goes for your body. A slumped posture brings you down, literally and figuratively. Holding your chin up like you're going for a good selfie does the trick. Keep your shoulders back and spine straight too. All of these things signal to your subconscious mind that you've got this. You're confident, you're ready, you're even possibly happy.
You'll notice that changes in your posture and face will positively affect your internal vibration and relationships around you, even just a few moments with a stranger. They will see what you're outwardly projecting, and "reply" with a positive communication of their own, be it verbal or physical.
If you can purposely look more strangers in the eye and genuinely smile at them during the day, good for you, because this will also help you achieve your goal of not only looking friendly, but feeling friendly, and having more positive interactions. All of this leads to more happiness. And all of this leads to more chances to have random laughs with those around you too. Bonus!
Also, to note, if you're so engrossed with keeping your facial expressions and body language in check, you have less mental focus on the things that bring you down, effectively changing your constant stream of consciousness - and your life.
You Don't Need More Things to Be Happy
When your financial status is very low, money does indeed bring more happiness. How can it not help? But studies have shown there's a cap to the correlation between finances and happiness. Once humans have reached a certain amount of income, they do not increase happiness, and may even begin to decrease in joy. Money and "things" can invariably be a burden. The happiest humans may not have financial stability, involve themselves in their community, have support through family and friends, and feel a connection to the world or the universe -- possibly a higher spirituality. Interestingly, our thoughts and dreams about the things we want to have can make us happier than actually getting those things. Scout's honor!
I’m aware that thought of humor when you're deeply affected by depression may be... well laughable… However, finding happiness in life is multidimensional and can be recognized in the smallest of things. Just making a small effort to be aware of what’s going on around you that could be a little bit funny might help exceed the happiness cap.
One step, one smile, one laugh at a time; All of it works towards the same goal and eventually you will feel some relief.